Learning to Treasure Yourself

We're told that family is everything but, for many of the people I work with, family has never been a place where they felt truly safe, seen, or wanted--let alone, treasured. Indeed, many people find it hard to believe that someone could choose them, choose to keep showing up for them, planning for them, loving them, again and again. Likewise, the self worth that comes from warm, attuned, parenting behaviors remains painfully out of reach... A concept reserved for other people.

But, adverse childhood experiences don't have to be a life sentence. A difficult upbringing impacts you. Adds scars to your heart and very real obstacles and challenges to your life. But, it's also true that you deserve the love that you never received. Just because your caregivers had problems and limitations, doesn't mean you have to suffer endlessly. You are worth doing everything it takes to learn how to treat yourself like the valid person you are now, as an adult.

What happened to you isn't your fault but taking charge of your healing is your responsibility.

What this means is different for each of us, at every stage of our lives. This post is to convey the central concept underlying each step of recovery: learning how to love ourselves. (A trusted therapist can be a useful guide and ally on the path; you don't have to walk it alone.)

We can affirm this commitment to ourselves, for ourselves: You are my priority. I will keep showing up for you, intentionally, with patience and care, over and over.

Let's expand it with a gentle guided visualization. Take this gently. It is tender.

Dialogue (spoken or in your mind):

Cycle Breaker: I see you. You are enough. You are treasured. I am here for you.

Inner Child: Really? You mean it? Can you really stay?

Cycle Breaker: Yes. I choose to. I will come back for you over and over. I will plan, I will prepare, I will make space for you.

Inner Child: Prepare? How?

Cycle Breaker: Today, I will notice you. I will check in with you, even in small ways. I will choose words that show care. I will make my actions gentle and my presence steady.

Tomorrow, I will do the same. I will anticipate your needs and create safe moments before you even ask.

And for the days ahead, I will plan for your future needs. I will prepare for the life you deserve—(and for the life of your children, if applicable). I will protect, nurture, and provide with consistent, deliberate love.

You are my priority. I will keep returning for you, intentionally, with patience and care, over and over.

This is the type of steady love you deserve. You are worth unlearning self-abandonment. You are worth showing up for, for as long as it takes. May you keep this intention close, may it guide your actions with growing clarity--moment by moment, day by day--and may you finally feel all the good that comes with trusting, relishing, and treasuring yourself. Because, the truth is, love, you have always been worthy beyond measure. You, dear one, have always been the treasure.