An adult daughter from a dysfunctional family, before significant recovery has taken place, operates in survival mode: 

• She doesn't know who she is

• She unwittingly betrays herself

• She says and does what she thinks other people want or expect from her

• She focuses on what might get her most immediate needs met

• She is constantly guessing at what "normal" is

• She hasn't known anything better

Strengths of trauma survivors:

• Resilience, capacity for post traumatic growth

• Insight and understanding into societal issues

• Appreciation for the "small things" in life

• Increased empathy for others

• Passion for helping people, social justice

• Creativity, practicality

• Levity, unique sense of humor ;) 

Characteristics of "perfect daughters"

(adult daughters of dysfunctional families) 

• Unrelenting inner critic

• Perfectionism

• If I do everything just right...

• People pleasing, accommodating

• Difficulty expressing feelings and needs

• Internalized sense of shame

• Everything's fine with me...

• Crippling sense of guilt

• Difficulty recognizing unhealthy behavior

• What are boundaries?

• What do I really want?

• No one really respects me...

Healing from a dysfunctional family or an invalidating early childhood environment is long term work. It's a lifetime. It takes time. Settle in for the long haul with plenty of patience and compassion. A great therapist doesn't hurt either.