Understanding CPTSD: A Guide For People Impacted By Complex Trauma

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Asking "What's Wrong With Me?"

Some days your nervous system has to process old trauma. It can feel like a fog or heaviness of distressing thoughts and feelings, making it hard to see clearly, or even making you wish you didn't exist. But, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, or that you're stuck there forever. It just means that your nervous system is functioning normally and as expected, doing its work as someone impacted by complex post traumatic stress disorder or CPTSD.

People who have experienced complex (also called developmental) trauma tend to have trouble in three interrelated domains. I'll list each of these and explore them in more detail below.

Symptoms of CPTSD:

1) Difficulty with how you see yourself

2) Difficulty how you see others and connection

3) Difficulty with how you manage your feelings

How You See Yourself

A person with CPTSD, like anyone, will have good days and bad days, and can be quite high functioning overall, but, will experience a core struggle to consistently see themselves positively, or even neutrally. Despite outward appearances or achievements, inside, they will be preoccupied with self criticism and, likewise, plagued with low self esteem. Instead of feeling inherently worthy, they will feel innately lacking. This does not reflect the truth of who they are.

How You See Others and Connection

Many people experience challenges in their personal relationships, but for with those with CPTSD, it can feel like an emotional minefield. The shocks of which totally derail their nervous systems for days and weeks at a time. Thus, despite longing for connection with others, it may feel painfully out of reach, or not worth the risks. This is due to a lack of experience or roadmap for safe, close, trusting, and healthy relationships, not a personal failing.

How You Manage Your Feelings

People with CPTSD experience chronic emotional and physical distress that can make it hard to cope well with the stressors of daily life. A speeding ticket or disagreement with a partner can feel completely overwhelming, like life or death. These intense emotional states are not just about present events. Rather, they represent flashbacks to past traumatic situations. Learning to manage your feelings, and specifically how to create a felt sense of safety in your body, does not happen overnight but it is perhaps the most important part of recovery.

Healing Across the Lifespan

These symptoms are not just diagnostic, they also represent common avenues for healing. There are absolutely things we can do to address these footprints of early deficits, and, likewise, build a sense of happiness and presence in your life from the inside out. Just as the wounding occurs during one's early childhood or other sensitive periods of development, your development continues to unfold today, tomorrow, in the months, years, and even generations to come.